Do you ever wonder what if you made different decision in the past? What will happened today then? Do you will be more happier? Or will you regret that decision?

I always believe that it is wiser to let the past go and keep moving on but once in a while in my life I’ve keep asking those questions again and again. The ‘What If’ question is really a mind game…

Like now, for example. I’ve been thinking what will happened if my career was not stagnant, I’ve got raise, still have beautiful relationship and all of other good things. One of the obvious answer is that I may not be in Germany right now. Last year I have a good job, good salary and good relationship, at least I thought I have, so nothing to complain back then. Then suddenly it turn out that everything went downhill… My job went stagnant, please don’t get me wrong here, I love my job, it’s the best thing that ever happened to me but I know there are many things I can do in this field and in my position there are not much I can do. Of course I’ve made some differences back there in my old office but still something is missing. Then my salary also went stagnant and that’s not good. So I went on finding something else, not a new job since I never thought to switching career or office, and out of nowhere I’ve got this idea on continuing my school. For some people that know me in the last couple of years that idea sounds absurd because they are know that how I struggling so hard to finish my bachelor.

So after 6 months searching for a school that fit my interest, I finally found my current school. Then I’ve made some research about the school, about Germany and about the chance to get a scholarship. After 2 months I was ready to apply then I did it.

After that things went so fast, I just can’t remember everything about it. The interview, the Letter of Acceptance, the visa and all of that stuffs happened so fast that I’ve found it hard to breath. I still have some doubt tho, I don’t have enough money (since I’ve only got partial scholarship), I found it hard to live in a very distant place without my love ones and my family (It’s not just another 4 hours driving like Jakarta to Bandung, it’s 20 hours plane ride), I still have my job which more or less give me some assurance about my life and lots of things to be considered.

Then something happened as I found out that for the last one year, my beautiful relationship was not exactly what it seems, it just one big lie. Then I am really deciding to pull all the plugs. Sold my car, resigned my position and do everything I can to get into the plane and go to Germany and forget all of those bad things and I did.

Now here I am, in the far away country from mine, thinking about the ‘what if’ question again. Should I be more happier now? I don’t know, I just want to rebuild my destroyed dream and do the best each day so one day I can make that dream come true… So how’s it gonna be?